The Drunken Founders


I sat down and stared silently into my grog, for I recognized the distinguished men at the next table in the tavern. It was true that each of them was well-known in society, but they nonetheless took the precaution of speaking and writing under pseudonyms just in case any of their views should become a little too well-known. This was not because their views were revolutionary and democratic, but rather because, to my thinking, their minds were so often hostile to the people. Their views were those of careful men, exemplary Burghers who hoped to keep the people stupefied but rewarded; much as a diligent Lord will undertake to care for his useful vassals.

Avoiding their notice, I began to overhear them. The sharp-nosed one, the one with a faint British Tang, the one who called himself Publius, was speaking, evidently defensively, to the taciturn, mild-eyed Southerner.

"Sir, I am much distressed by the suggestion of some Gentlemen that I am a monarchist. I hold no brief for monarchy. I am in agreement with you, and, indeed, with all, that the power of monarchs to incite and pursue fallacious wars is surely proven as one of the great evils of all history. Indeed, I have been quite circumspect in the powers I have recommended for the Chief Magistrate of America. I have been careful to limit his power to times WHEN CITIZENS ARE CALLED INTO THE ACTIVE MILITARY SERVICE of the nation at a time of WAR, thus I have forestalled any adventurism by the executive power. This is hardly a mark of monarchist!

The kindly-eyed Man, the one called Cato, looked up thoughtfully from his drink and replied:

"I made no such calumny, sir. Indeed, I regard the Chief Magistrate's power with no greater disdain than I do the Legislative. The Legislative Power is a ferment of Passions, and thus, and potentially as dangerous as your Chief Magistrate. It is really BOTH which must be confined. Nonetheless, Publius, I fear your Chief Magistrate may never be fully caged. It is for this reason that we argue that the Legislative must DECLARE WAR in order for WAR to occur. Have we not made that sufficiently clear? I firmly believe that the nearness of the Legislative to the people will insure that such occasions are accorded the gravity they merit. This is also the best hope of making such occasions rare. But our words on this point could not be sparser or stronger. All Gentlemen will understand the force of our words by their very paucity. Furthermore, the regulation and support of the Navy and the Militia are given to the Legislative, and as America is not to become servile to the hounds of Standing Armies, I do feel protected, if only at the instant, from the perhaps inevitable depredations of a manic Executive, or Legislative power."

"Might there come a day, however, Gentlemen, when there are, eh, fewer Gentlemen..." these words were spoken by the last of the triumvirate, a large-boned man whom I recognized at once as the one called Democratus. His eyes sparkled as he drew his cloak about him.

Both Publius and Cato looked shocked. What could these words mean?

"Fewer Gentlemen?" Cato looked vexed by Democratus' words.

"I only mean...that...perhaps your social rules and feeling of innate superiority, of the distinctions between classes...what if all these vanished or slowly crumbled away. How would the Republic you base upon Gentleman's reason work then?

"Even if all Gentlemen vanished, Sir, I should hope that it would be apparent to all that logic dictates, that reason... Cato started-- "That reason will always demonstrate its superiority to reasonable men."

"Ah yes. To Reasonable Men the advantages of our designs may indeed be apparent. But to men without reason?" said Democratus.

Neither Publius or Cato answered as Democratus went on. "You claim that you have checked the Executive and Legislative power, but where? What is to prevent the Legislative from ceding its power, or the Executive from aggrandizing, or the inverse? If the Chief Magistrate may, at any time, short of a renewed appointment by the Legislative, be The Commander of an Army, may he not then attempt to permanently secure that power? If, at any time, the Legislative may disband that same Army, then how may the nation defend itself against an enemy?" Democratus smirked.

Cato, however, kept his head. He seemed to be speaking for Publius as well when he answered with these words:

"The case you draw is fantastical. No system we devise can be fool-proof. Indeed, we should anticipate that there will be many fools who will attempt countless perversions. Our insurance against their ultimate success is the distribution of powers. Of course I would still rather trust a manic executive, for he may be impeached and removed, but how could a tyranny of the Legislative be removed? Cato answered.

"A tyranny of the Legislative!" Democratus laughed. "You sit there in your satins and polished boots, with a engraved coach awaiting you at the door of this tavern and speak of "A tyranny of the Legislative!" My dear Sir, there should be more such Tyrannies, for though history shows few examples of them, I am well aware that aristocrats always fear them more than Revolutions!"

"I do think it rather unlikely that the Legislative would disband an Army in the face of a threat, for wouldn't they be cutting their own throats?" Publius mused. "The case seems to reverse human motivation. But of course that supposes a sane Excecutive."

"Ah, so you can think of no case! Let me put it to you Gentlemen. Reasonable Men will one day be scarce, for when education has raised the standard to a lower though more equal one, those like Cato here, as well as his fellow Virginian, those whose minds are as original as their pens are accurate, will be as rare as Snowy Owls. It is not true that the Legislative could accrue an excessive power unless it was directed by an competent executive, a Cromwell, and one turned from the people. But let us say that it could be so corrupted, as it was from time to time in ancient Athens. The worst that then results is an Oligarchy, not a Dictatorship, and which of these evils, Gentlemen, is preferable to the other? The Oligarchy does not do the people's will, but they or he, must, in some fashion, acknowledge the people. The Dictator, on the other hand, bends to people to his will alone. You have given your Chief Magistrate an occasional army, and from this merely occasional taste of dictatorial power you expect him to remain immune. How many Generals return from war and refuse the purple? Bah! When the Chief Magistrate is at once in the field with his Army, whose motions will the people follow? It is you who are fantastical. The Legislative, necessarily divided and numerous, will never be able to effectively oppose any soldier decorated with insignia and leaf-of-gold! Never! Even if their opposition were perfect and united, their unity would always shatter sooner than his will.

You are known as Great Republicans but you have modeled a system that can go in only one direction--- toward Caesarism!"

"Sir, Gentlemen will see that--" Cato started.

"As to your Legislative, it can go but three ways. Either knocks will come on its outer chamber door, making it submissive and weak, or Caesar will abolish it. If neither of these, then its own attempt to lead will simply be called disloyal." Democratus was both tipsy and excited.

"Under the system I...We have devised--" the Virginian spoke gravely, "NO limb thereof, at any time, may be called disloyal. That would be tantamount to the irrational injunction to tear out your own eye if it offend you."

"Sir, are you aware?" the burly cloaked man leant forward, now speaking in a whisper, "That there are men, both white and black, on your own plantation, who may actually believe, even practice, just those very superstitions and injunctions? Men who may, one day, force us to their views, rather than obediently submitting to our paternal care, our civilization, our proprieties and Lordship?"

The faces of both Publius and Cato frowned. It was clear that neither of them could conceive of such a society, nor would they know how to devise a just and rational form of government for religious fanatics, should those pitiful and fallen creatures one day outnumber Gentlemen.

Cato rose from his chair and with icy self-control but great purpose said: "I firmly believe, along with my fellow Virginian, the blessings of whose mind and pen you have mentioned, that the progress of man is sure and certain, and however tumultuous, leads forward, not backward, in time.

For some reason we all rose as the erect figure then took up his hat and cane, and with great dignity, strode from the room.


When all had gone I sat alone, drinking. The publican stared at me as he heard me mumbling to myself: "I firmly believe that the progress of man is sure and certain, and it leads forwards by going backwards, over time."

Will Morgan

March 24, 2007